Silly Me

My lullaby
is his favorite song.

Every night it is played and
every night into a deep slumber I fall,
only to be awakened by
the buzzing cicadas,
living but life-less trees, and
a licking dog.

His favorite song fills the room,
moves through my ears, and then
ricochets off my heart into my soul.
All this is done through his voice.

When he sings,
he sings with joy.
His joy brings me joy.
It is only then
we are connected.

I am lost.
I don't know how
or when I will be
in his heart.

When he speaks,
it is a common tongue.
Words passerbyers use.

He doesn't care
the way my
fantasy of him does.

(silence- Cicadas buzzing)

Silly me.
Silly me.
Silly me.
A 'silly us'
we will never be.

Cuïnty (short stories collection)

I knew I was gay the day I become a vegetarian. For some reason meat was no longer appealing to me; in actuality it became gross. I was 11 yrs. old.
I didn't tell anybody, not because of fear of being outcasted, but because I knew they would try to ruin who I am.
I don't know if I was born gay; I always liked what I liked regardless of who it was meant for. So when I started to act on my feelings, I wasn't doing it just because, I was just doing me.

Now let's go back. I realized I was gay at 11 yrs but I didn't act on it until I was 15 yrs old. In high school, it's easier to find where you belong than in middle school. By this time, I was a full blown vegetarian, on the track team with honor roll. I had a beautiful girlfriend and nobody really fucked with me because my family was crazy, like an Addams family crazy.
My life was good for the most part but one day at school, that changed when I smelled the most delicious thing: meat.

The smell hit me on hump day, a Wednesday morning as I was walking late to 2nd period. I was minding my business when I walked past the home economics room. Students usually skipped home ec so I was surprised to see a student who I've never seen before in class, cooking. When I walked inside to see if I could get a cookie from Mr. Hours, the home ec teacher, the smell of delicious, delightful, mouth watering meat infiltrated my nose. Usually the smell of meat made me want to throw up, it even suffocated me at times. But this time it was different. I wanted that thing in my mouth so bad. Without even thinking I reached into the plate. I could imagine the ultimate moment in which me and that meat would touch when I was stopped by a slap to my hand. I didn't even see the student standing there.

"Hey!! Stop!" said the student as he hit my hand.

Looking up, I saw looking at me a beautiful young man. With ginger hair, pale skin, and hazel green eyes. Ginger kids were not my style but he, he was sexy. Like a sexy ghost, like a sexy Casper when Casper was still in ghost form but sexier. I wanted him and I wanted his meat.

"Sorry but your meat smells so good."

"Excuse me?" said sexy Casper

"What's your name?"

"Casper." said sexy Casper

"Wow, that's crazy. In my head I was calling you sexy Casper."

"That's inappropriate" said sexy Casper

"How so, you are freaking hawt!"

"Thank you but I have to get back to cooking." said sexy Casper

He began walking away from me but I couldn't let this opportunity pass.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Let's start over. My name is Cuïnty but people call me  T for short."

"Have they ever called you cunt?" said sexy Casper

"Yeah but then I broke their nose. So now they don't do it anymore."

Watching him work on the second piece of meat I was mesmerized.
" So what are you making?"

"I'm just seasoning a steak."

"It smells good."

"Thanks."

He smiled at me with his beautiful lips and teeth. The only thing that kept me from reaching over to kiss him was my desire for his steak.

"Would you like to taste the first one I made." said sexy Casper

To excited to speak, the only thing I could do was nod my head.
He cut off a piece for me. Got another plate and put my piece on the second plate. He got a fork and knife for me and gave me my plate. He was what one would call a gentleman. I wasn't into "gentle" and I definitetly wasn't into "men" but he was different. He was someone I could get used to.
I usually eat with my hands but I couldn't imagine missing the full experience of this steak so I used the knife and fork.
When I put it in my mouth he watched me. Staring into his hazel-green eyes I just wanted him and his food. With our eyes locked, I put his meat into my mouth and I was off. It was so good. It ignited all my senses, some I didn't even know I could still use. I was lost in this meat. Making so many noises and motion of satisfaction. And as I was coming down from my high, something got me started again. Sexy Casper touched my hand.

"Was it really that good?" said sexy Casper

"Oh shit, sexy Casper! You are going to make me cum.
Please let go of me and don't talk."

He let go.
I sat there for a minute or two, trying to recuperate. He began attending to the second meat when I opened my eyes. He looked at me with a smile of approval. I just stared at him.

"Good?" said sexy Casper

I got up and walked over to him. I  did that movie thing that actors do right before they kiss someone, look into their eyes as if they are searching for something. Man! I was caught in the moment and I didn't care. He was so fucking sexy.
When I approached him and touched his chest my body was on fire again. I began kissing him like I was missing something I hadn't had in a long time. The best part about it besides him kissing back was that we were engulfed in the delicious smell of his meat.

"You are intense." said sexy Casper

I started unbuttoning his shirt. I wanted him so bad!

"What in Betty Crocker are you two doing?" said Mr. Hours

Like a hata magnet was pulling us apart we separated immediately when Mr. Hours walked in.

"We weren't doing anything." said sexy Casper

"Just cooking."

"Oh please! Cuïnty go to class."
"And Casper I thought I could trust you in here by yourself." said Mr. Hours.

"Oh shit! Class!"
" I gotta go! Nice to meet you sexy Casper."

I gathered up my stuff and ran to class. I carry extra tardy passes with me just in case something comes up. As I rushed into class and put my pass down, I sat next to my girlfriend.

"What the hell happened?" said  Zeta
"Why are you so late."

"I stopped by the home ec room."

"And did you get any?" said Zeta

"What?! Get what?"

"Any cookies girl!" said Zeta

"Oh, no. Mr. Hours didn't have any today."

She shrugged her shoulders.
I came in just in time for our pop quiz. Our teacher was passing out the test paper.

"T?" said Zeta
"Why do you smell like meat?"

"What? I don't smell like-

I began sniffing my shirt and immediately I was reminded of sexy Casper. The teacher walked by and told us to 'shh'.
I didn't want to say anything more so I just put finger to my lips in a quiet motion to Zeta. She shook her head like 'whatever.' As I was taking the quiz I began gnawing on my shirt...